Our hands press together like pieces of paper, but they’re always blank when I hold your hand.

So, I feel a bit like a minor celebrity today…

Basically, if any of my readers are from the UK, go on Google, and search ‘The Cut’, its a BBC series and it should be the first link, so open that website and click ‘Blog’, then scroll down and find the blog that says ‘No episodes for a week’ or something like that, and then watch the video which is attached to it. Second mention of a person is ‘theycallmejack’ AKA my screenname AKA me. I was so excited! Its not even someone who happens to have the same screenname as me, that is LITERALLY me. Exciting times!

Also, I picked up the latest edition of the college magazine, and guess who is in it? Me. That’s who. So if you’re an avid collector of college magazines/paedophile, check me out… in fact, if you’re the latter, scratch that and just hand yourself into a police station you sick freak. 😐

So, in other news I’ve been thinking about the way I sometimes rush into things without thinking about them… I mean, its something we all do, right? But I mean, just for example, I have lots of friends, who are my friends, but my friendship with them is based on when we first met, and what I’ve learned about them through being their friend, rather than what I’ve learned about them by actively trying to find out. Which in itself is no problem, because it means that all my friends are my friends because of feelings of friendship, and yet beneath it all, the friendship is only based on emotion, and there’s not enough substance to it… so I’m gonna start asking my friends the things that I always overlooked! Just because I feel if they’re friends worth having, then its worth knowing a little more about them, right?

And you know what I’m doing don’t you? Saying something by telling you a meaningless story which has little to do with what I want to say.

I do this too much. I spend my whole life using symbolism, and metaphors, and ulterior motivations to say things that I just don’t have to courage to actually say. I mean, the colours of my clothes match my mood. When I’m sad, I wear black or dark blue, when I’m happy I wear bright colours. There’s so much stuff I wish I could say, but I don’t want you to judge me.

Honestly, most of my recent blogs have been aimed at particular people, and they’ve only really said one thing, but because I’m not strong enough to just come out and say it… I don’t know who I’d  be if I ever just said the things that are on my mind… Hmmm… complicated.

Complicated is a good word. I like the word complicated. It means I can’t describe something, or I can’t be bothered, or I don’t want to think about it. When people ask me what I think about love, I just say complicated, and move on.

Life. Its just one of those funny little isn’t it?

Jack out.

My unpopular opinions…

I’m gonna counteract the grumpy-moody teenager thing that I did yesterday now!!

Not that that’s not how I feel, because it absolutely is! But I just figure every thorn has its rose, so here’s a more cheerful blog, that’s not to say that you’ll go away from it with a grin as wide as a… wide thing… because these are my unpopular opinions, and they’re unpopular for a reason.

As my long time readers will know, I am an incredibly opinionated person. Incredibly opinionated. And a lot of the time, my opinions clash with the rest of the world… so ummm… yeah! If you enjoy readers the unpopular opinions of others, fill your boots!

1. Lists are dull.

2. ‘The Inbetweeners’ is terribly written, and not at all funny.

3. The same goes for ‘Waterloo Road.’

4. Reality shows are for stupid people who can’t understand good TV.

5. Girls aren’t attractive.

6. PS3 and Xbox 360 are rubbish compared to the Nintendo Wii. Lack of innovation y’see.

7. People who open their mouths too much when they talk look chavvy.

8. Bodily hair doesn’t make you look manly and sexy. It makes you look disgusting. That goes for you too ladies.

9. Fat people cannot be good looking under any circumstances.

10. People who can’t use grammar, spelling and punctuation correctly should be slapped repeatedly until they can.

11. Facebook is the most annoying website on the planet.

12. Thick people should be treated as second class citizens.

13. 13 is a lucky number.

14. Rap music, dubstep, and all that other crap is chavvy, GFTO!

15. FML is a perfectly acceptable catchphrase.

16. The meat dress was cool…

17. Tumblr isn’t blogging. It’s glorified photo and sentence sharing for pretenious people.

18. Blonde hair is overrated. But its nice on some people 🙂

19. Boobs look weird.

20. Doctor Who is one of the greatest television programs on the planet.

21. Orange is a disgusting colour.

22. Telling people that they do look good in that when they don’t is really pathetic.

23. Some people have absolutely no right to be cocky.

24. Knowledge is power, people without knowledge should have less power.

25. Rain is dramatic and kind of awesome…

26. EMA is for spongers. People with any self-respect shouldn’t recieve it.

27. The Labour Party sucks.

28. Guys who play sport are overrated. Actors are just as good. If not better…

29. Robert Pattinson is incredibly ugly.

30. Waffles are disgusting.

31. People who use ‘Messenger Plus’ on MSN come across as chavvy.

32. Heavy smokers, and heavy drinkers, and heavy drug users don’t deserve treatment when their overuses make them seriously ill. Especially when there’s people who need it more who’ve done nothing to deserve being ill.

33. Summer is too hot.

34. Vegetarians and vegans and various other assortments of that type of thing need to grow up, its called a food chain. Live with it.

35. American writers are lazy. We only study their books in English Literature because they’re incredibly short.

36. The Twilight series is actually rather enjoyable to read… I still hate it though…

37. Most sports are played by poor people and stupid people. And thugs.

38. Shy people don’t deserve my attention, if they want it then they should talk to me.

39. Blogging is a fun past time.

40. The word ‘glacier’ is pronounced ‘glay-see-er’.

41. People who really make you know that they’re dating someone need a good slap. But that’s only because I’m jealous…

42. Fish are more interesting than people give them credit for.

43. On the other hand, cats are boring pets.

44. Eminem is one of the worst people of the twenty-first century. Dispicable man.

45. People who don’t constantly want to make new friends are unambitious.

46. Unambitious people need to wake up and get some drive.

47. Pokemon is one of the greatest game series ever. Ever.

48. People in prison should get fed on bread and water, and not allowed to talk. In fact, their human rights should be minimalized completely.

49. Metrosexual people are incredibly irritating. It’s like they’re gay without being into guys – lack of effort there. Fauxmosexuals.

50. Just because someone is dead doesn’t mean you should give them the respect you didn’t give them while they were alive. If they deserved respect, you’d give it to them while they were alive.

And there you go! I’ll stop now before I give you high blood pressure and a heartattack shall I? Well I’m glad to have got all that off my chest! Please do try to not hate me… I’m an alright person sometimes y’know… so what about you? Have you guys got any unpopular opinions? Let me know by commenting in the comment section, below!

Jack out.

Drift.

Episode 6 of Special People: Fragments is going to be called ‘Drift’ I think.

The title refers to how Episode 6 is the last episode where the Fragments are all still separate, and it also refers to how easily it all falls apart. Spoiler there. Or was I bluffing? Or am I double bluffing? Or was I talking about something which does happen, but in an unexpected way?!

Anyway, that’s unrelated to what I’m talking about… this blog is titled Drift because that’s what I’m talking about. The way people drift apart. I never post 2 blogs in one day, but this emotion needed to be recorded… so let’s talk.

Number one. The questions. Do you actually love him? What am I to you anymore? Do I still count for anything? Am I just the invisble, disposable one? Am I even real to you, or am I just a name on a screen now? Does he mean more to you now? Will you even read this, do you bother anymore?

Number two. We never talk anymore, you’re always too busy being… I don’t know. It’s hard. I don’t want to lose you, and yet, I think when you tell me that, you’re just being nice. I don’t know. I don’t even want to say that because I don’t want to believe it. But those doubts that niggle at the back of my mind. We never even talk anymore. We’re so different. That’s why I like you. And yeah, maybe I’m just being possessive because I don’t want to lose you to him, so yeah, I’ll admit it, I did prefer it when you hated him.

Number three. Here’s the thing I’ll never tell you, I’m only posting it on here because I know you won’t read it. You’re my best friend.

Oh, and here’s something for someone else. Which is kind of the same. I love you, so so much. I love everything you do, but sometimes I wish you’d stand up for the way you feel about me… please don’t hate me for saying that. I’d do anything for you, I’d die for you. I love you.

I love you all. Don’t hurt me.

Jack out.

Talk don’t change a thing.

I’m upset.

I’ve just been watching some short films on Youtube. Gay short films. And they were pretty terrible, but that’s not the point. At least they were trying to do something good, and make a good point in the world.

But the comments that I saw on those videos really upset me. People who’s Youtube usernames are ‘Pray4thegay’ and such, posting comments like ‘honestly, being gay is a sin, god made men and women to be together, not two people of the same sex. It’s just wrong.’

I know I’m gonna see that kind of shit my whole life but it always hurts my feelings.

I think I’m lucky to have grown up in a place that is relatively accepting. Or even if the people aren’t accepting, at least they keep it to themselves. It’s like a little bubble where everything is all nice and happy, but that bubble makes you forget, about all the shit outside it. About how the world takes everything that is the slightest bit different and shreds it into nothing. I hate it.

But I mean, its so much pure bollocks from people who know nothing about being gay. The only people who have any right to be homophobic are gay people, because we’re the only people who actually know how it feels, and all the stuff that’s behind it.

It’s like that Florida pastor who was on the news today, telling people to burn the Qu’ran. What a load of absolute bullshit. So yeah, some terrorists hijacked the Islamic religion and used it as an excuse for killing hundreds of innocent people. The result? Across the world Muslims get treated like shit for their religion which other people don’t understand. Islam is no more violent than any other religion, so shove that in your cakehole fundamentalist Christians. Nice one, terrorists.

And another thing, the Bible says God created us all equal, so why the fuck are there Christians out there who seem to think that they’re much better than other people?!

I know I’ve directed this rant mostly at Christians, but I know that even then its a tiny minority, who are actually just cherry picking the phrases from their holy book that suit them. Well, to those guys and gals: NEWSFLASH, your book was written 2000 years ago. The same part that tells you that ‘man shall not lie with another man, for that is detestable’ also tells you not to eat shellfish. And besides, you can’t seriously believe EVERYTHING in there? The world was created in 7 days by God with humans already here? How do you explain fossils and stuff? Grow up. Face the facts; the Bible isn’t 100% accurate. Why don’t you spend as much time reading the bits that say ‘Treat others how you would like to be treated’ instead?

Sorry… I’m ranting at Christians again.

To be honest, I’m trying to rant at anyone who actually believes that they are better than others for reasons that the other people can’t help! I’m getting distracted!!

But seriously, yeah. So I’m gay. And? Does that automatically mean that I’m worth less as a person than a straight person? What about a straight murderer? A straight rapist murderer? Am I worth less than them? So yeah. I’m gay, and I’ve heard and seen horrible things because of that fact. But I’m not bitter or resentful about that.

Everyone is always complaining about all the war in the world, and all the hate, and all the horrible things that happen! Well do something about it! Show some love!!

Gay guys get so much crap when they come out, and it feels horrible, and they lose friends because these ‘friends’ can’t accept them for who they are. Nasty, pathetic little people. If anyone reading this is gay and hasn’t come out, don’t be scared. Be proud of who you are. I know that’s easy to say from this blog, but you have to realise that being gay is fine. Living your life pretending to be something that you aren’t just isn’t.

Who cares if it’s gay or straight, black or white, rich or poor, man or woman?! At least we have some love left.

So, still think you’re better than me? Well, I don’t care. Because you know what? I know that I’m better than you in all ways.

Jack out.

Run for the hills before they burn, listen to the sound of the world then watch it turn.

Parents shouldn’t have Facebook. Nuff said.

I don’t really have anything in particular to blog about today, but I think I will do a blog anyway because I think it helps me get stuff out… not that I really have much to get out at the moment… But you know what I have noticed? I always start my blog with one or two short sentences. And today has been the first time I’ve conciously thought about doing that…

I mean, I used to use quotes, but that was when I went all emo and depressed and stuff. If you fancy a LOL or a cry, go and check out my first ever WordPress blog. 158 blogs ago…

Woah. I’ve written a lot of blogs haven’t I? I’ve recently just started checking my old blogs in case I repeat the same titles, because I get the titles from my favourite bands, and my favourite songs, and my favourite lyrics, so there’s always a chance of overlap. And there nearly was a massive overlap with the last blog I posted actually… It was going to be titled ‘I don’t know who I am when you’re running circles in my head’ a lyric from ‘Fireworks’ by You Me at Six, but I checked and I’d already used that title!! Holy Mackerel! We avoided an EPIC FAIL there didn’t we?!

Y’know what I saw on Facebook the other day that really pissed me off? Wait… my face is bleeding… gimme a sec…

I’m not even gonna go into why my face was bleeding. But for those of you who require an explanation for everything in life ever; I was crying tears of blood. Yes, like a statue of the Virgin Mary. Oh, and the purpose of your life was to rebuild the Lighthouse at Alexandria on the California Coastline, out of cheese, which must never go mouldy.

Anyway, back to what pisses me off. It properly irritates me when straights are like ‘I hate it when people broadcast their sexuality all the time.’ But they do exactly the same thing when they’re like ‘Ahh look at that woman, I’d do that.’ Flippin’ hypocracy there.

Is it hypocracy or hypocrisy? Hmmmm…

Ooh! And I’ve been watching ‘Sea Monsters’ which is basically a Walking with Dinosaurs spin off that’s all about extinct sea creatures! It’s SO good! I love it! I love the Walking with Dinosaurs series in general. And Walking with Beasts. And Walking with Monsters. And The Ballad of Big Al. And Chased by Dinosaurs. And Prehistoric Park. And Primeval. Walking with Cavemen was less good… But basically, I love Impossible Pictures!! They’re such a good studio! And I think it’s amazing how Walking with Dinosaurs must have come out… what? 10 years ago? And yet it still looks just as real and convincing as it did back then!!

Ahh, those were the days… when every family in Britain would huddle around their televisions to watch a documentary about dinosaurs every Saturday… Now we have all this crap about celebrities and talent shows, and the world is descending into chaos. All we need to fix this problem is more dinosaurs!!

Haha! Also, at work last night I was told that I’m one of those people that’s always in a mood. And apparently all my blog readers think I’m old before my time. I need to prove to the world that I can be immature and childish!

No, but honestly, I am fun. But my kind of fun is dangerous. So I tend to avoid it… Haha! Did that make me sound cool and edgy? I hope it did…

Oh, and let me send out a plea here!! Use TWITTER!! I want the whole world to start using Twitter, and then follow me on it, so that I can quickly and easily become the most popular thing on the planet! I mean, I don’t know how many of you read the Twitter feed that’s on the side of this blog, but my friends seem to think that I do post some relatively amusing stuff, and I get retweeted quite often, so follow me fools!!

What else? Ahhh! Did anyone apart from me watch ‘Sherlock’ on BBC 1 last night and the previous two Sundays? That is really fantastic Great British drama!! I can only congratulate Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss on that!! TV needs to see more shows with that amount of thought and effort put into them! Stunning!!

Oh, and it has just been suggested that I form a band called ‘Just no Jack’. Which I think would be pretty ace… I can see a TV series there…

And I got invited to go to a Gay Pride march at the end of the month. Just yes Jack.

Anyway, now I’m off to check if the Stage Newspaper has any new advertisments for auditions on the website…

Jack out.

She wears high heels, I wear sneakers.

Picking  fights with your friends is rather ridiculous if you ask me.

I’ve just had a fight with Lucy and she’s basically said that I’m always hurting her when I’m joking around and calling her names and stuff. Well, I have news for you. That’s what best friends do. There are whole groups on Facebook devoted to ‘I insult my best friend more than my worst enemies’ and the like.

And yeah, I do like to have a laugh with my friends, and yeah we will exchange jolly banter insults to each other. But no one else gives a fuck about it.

So, I’m pretty much sick of these pathetic little lines, and the amateur dramatics that get thrown around with them.

Yeah, so there’s something you dislike about me. Here’s some things I dislike about you.

1. The way you always make up that you’re getting intimate with guys and pretend to be dating them, and when they get asked about it, they don’t even know you.

2. The way you make everything into a competition.

3. The way you get pissed when I criticise one tiny thing about you and then go and have a go at me over loads of stuff.

4. The way you think you’re so much of a better person than me.

5. The way you always make me feel like shit by constantly telling me how great your other friends are.

6. The way you think you know everything.

7. The way you turn everyone else against me when you get moody.

And yeah, so you know what? You have had it with my joking. But I’ve finished with constantly putting up with you and all that stuff above.

This goes for everyone I know in fact, in my whole life ever. Read this and remember it:

I will never apologise for being me. If you aren’t happy with that then fuck off, because I’m not interested.

Jack out.

Odd socks…

I have 11 minutes to write this blog before Waterloo Road comes on.

Make that 10.

Anyway, I have been wearing odd socks all day today. Not that they’re very different. They’re both black with red heel and toes, but one has 2 different colours of red on it, and the other only has one. I still feel like a fashion reject/quirky funny man though!

What else? Hmmm… I went to town today, met some friends by accident. It was fun! All I bought was a Frappecino (better than the other day) and the new edition of Official Nintendo Magazine, and a birthday present for a party I’m going to tomorrow!

Oh crap, just wasted a minute trying to find a good song on my iTunes playlist. It’s not that I dislike any of the songs that I have on iTunes, except a few Glee ones which are slow and depressing, but sometimes you just can’t be arsed listening to certain songs, know what I mean?

Anyway, yesterday I was helping out by working as a teaching assistant in my mum’s primary school. I spent all day filing the children’s work, marking maths work, supervising, and deciding to never become a teacher. I know I’ve said it before, but my heart yearns for the stage! Lights, cameras, red carpets – that’s my gig! It may not be the easiest of existences, but it’s the one I’d love most!

What else? Someone was having a fight with me because I was being bitchy and manipulative earlier. I am bitchy and manipulative. Get over it. It annoys me when people only see one side of me and then assume that I’m always like that. And yeah, that goes for the people who only see the nice side of me as well!

Anyway, this a blog of random parts and I really just wanted to write something down, there’s really no reason for this random blog based outburst. Still feeling a little bit rutty, I guess. Oh, and I found out what a rut is in relation to deers, so that’s good. But not as good as a Rusk. Rusks are good, bowties are cool, zombies are bad. Etc etc!

Hmmm… also, lying. Is it better to keep someone safe and happy by lying to them, or to tell them the truth and needlessly hurt them. I’d choose the former, but let’s see what you think!

Anyway, I’m going to watch Waterloo Road but I’ll probably continue this blog after I return! See you in a bit!

Ok back. Well, after that I’m feeling all loved up and so sickly sweet you could choke on me faster than you could say sherbet lemon! … That was a poor anology…

Still, it’s one of those things. So I’ll tell you something world. This is me, I may not be perfect, I’m not always happy, I say a lot of stupid things, I can’t always control my emotions, and my life is by no means flawless, but you know what? I’m good with this, right now.

Jack out.

‘Swallow or spit, girlfriend?’

The title isn’t really the theme of today’s blog. It’s more of a metaphor. What I’m saying is that is it better to do something reckless and impulsive that you might regret, or just hide away from it all and avoid the situation entirely and risk missing out on something that could turn out to be for the best?

But that’s also not the theme of today’s blog either. I just wanted to use a Skins quote, and I figured I’d link it to a deep thought while I was at it.

The real purpose of this blog is to talk about the thing that scares me most.

I never really thought I was actually seriously worried about this thing until today when my friend Samantha pointed it out to me. And that’s when I got to thinking about it, the thing that makes me most scared is other people.

I mean, not people I know and love, meeting new people, falling in love, making new friends. All of that scares me. I’m paranoid about what everyone thinks about me, and I’m afraid of getting in too deep with people in case they really hurt me…

It’s just that its so difficult sometimes to open up to people… I guess that thought kind of worries me because I’m afraid that if I like them a lot, and they like me, I’ll say the wrong thing and then they’ll just think I’m weird or something, and then they’ll hate me, and I’ll wind up alone and friendless…

I suppose thats why I lie so much. I kind of create this fantasy world of how I want my life to be, and how I think other people want my life to be, and then pretend that it actually is like that is real. Just so that they can be impressed by me.

It’s sort of weird I suppose. And I know its shallow. But everyone always says, ‘I don’t care what other people think’ and I know I’ve said this before, but to be honest, there comes a point where we all start to care what everyone else thinks of us.

You know why it is that I’m like this? Because I’m afraid of rejection, I’m afraid of fucking things up, and I’m afraid of losing all the people who mean the most to me.

And I know that I can’t be the only person who feels like this. So here’s what I say, I know its a bit cliche (I know that should have an accent, but as I once pointed out on this very blog, I don’t like words with accents because they are hard to type) but I think we should all just think about this when we’re talking to each other, cos some people are more fragile than others.

And as for the fragile ones like me, I think we should all try to open up. Maybe just to one person at first, someone who feels right, and just be happy with the now, and not worry what they might be thinking, and what might happen if they decide they don’t like us. And then I think maybe things might get better?

It’s worth a try right?

Jack out.

Being human.

“When one door closes, another one opens, but sometimes we look so regretfully on the closed door that we fail to see the one that has opened for us” – Helen Kellner

 

I just wrote a massive piece that is all about me. And to be honest, I don’t think it would have been very sucessful as a blog, so I deleted it. And here’s the revised edition. Oh, and before I start, I can’t work out how to reply to your comment Andy, so I’ll do it on here instead: Thanks so much for saying all that stuff. It really means a lot to me that you like it, and I’ll do my best to make some awesome, poigniant blogs in the future. Well, that’s my introduction done, so let’s get on with it shall we?

I think, as humans, we all feel isolated some times, even when we’re surrounded by the people who are closest to us. Especially while we’re teenagers, I know that sometimes I feel like the whole world doesn’t get me. But, to be honest, that’s probably true, sometimes I don’t even get myself, and I don’t think I’m the only one who feels like that. There’s always going to be times when you feel like you have huge problems, and yet when you closely examine things, you realise that you don’t. For me, I find that sort of situation, really frustrating, because you want to be angry and just scream and shout your way to oblivion, but there’s no reason to do that. For those times, the only thing I can say is this: let it out. Tell someone you trust, and just let it all go, because what’s the point of us hanging onto rage and pain when there’s no reason? The only thing that accomplishes in life is to make it hurt. And I think we’re all better off without hurt. You. Are. Not. Alone. So that was my first point and here’s my second:

The only way the world can ever be happy is by lying to everyone. I mean, if someone looks really ugly, you are most likely to say that they look nice to spare their feelings. And I think it’s really sad that the we can only be happy when people lie to us. And I also think it’s weird: lies hurt people, and yet lies also make people happy… I don’t get it, but I don’t know, it’s a big moral question: Is it better to tell the truth and hurt people, or lie  just to make them happy?

Why is it that we have relationships with other people? Because, if you think about it, most of the struggles in life, come from the problems between people. In fact they all do, well, except stuff like natural diasters, but even then, the effects get worsened by bad relations between people. Then again, on the other hand there’s all the good stuff about other people, like love, and laughter, and fun. All of that is pretty hard to accomplish on your own.

What happens to text messages when they are deleted? There’s one for you to think about!

And finally, I just want to say, change is hard. But sometimes, you just need to forget. The only thing is, when you forget, don’t lose who you are. Because whatever you do with yourself, there will always be someone who cares about you, and let me say this; there is nothing worse than when someone changes and they start drifting away from you. Nothing. In the whole wide universe. Nothing.

And now I think I’m just about done. That wasn’t one of my best ones I don’t think, but I think maybe posting it might help. Maybe. One of these days. I hope that someone who is feeling pretty low might read this, and maybe realise that they aren’t alone. Just find someone, and tell them, and then make sure that you never, never, never lose them. May these words walk with you forever and always.

 

Jack