You oughtta know what you’re gonna get in me, just a little touch of star quality!

by theycallmejack

I’m having a crisis.

I’ll explain: yesterday, I performed my A level drama coursework piece in front of a live audience. I haven’t performed in front of a live audience since my AS level final drama exam last summer. And I loved it.

And now I’m worried that I’m never going to do it again. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve wanted to be an actor. I love being on stage, I love making short films, I love the whole world of show business. And in high school, it seemed like a reasonable goal for me to want to be an actor. But then I came to college and was confronted with many people who are better than me. And then it was like, ‘Oh, shit, I can’t do this, quick, think of something else!’

So I’ve aimed at being a writer. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love writing and I can see myself doing it for the rest of my life and not being depressed at that. But I don’t know… the stage just makes me feel on top of the world.

I’ve come to accept that I’m no star. My friend Hollie is brilliant. She’s a true star, and I think she’ll be one of those people who becomes a household name. And as for me… I’m a fairly poor actor if I’m honest. I was told by my drama teacher ‘you have a tendency to default back to your comfort zone’ and my comfort zone is just being myself. Seriously, pretty much every character I’ve played recently has been me to varying degrees; flamboyant, camp, loud.

I was listening to my iPod before and it really upset me because it was just like ‘I wish I could sing about my problems like that!’ And ok, I could, but then people would be like ‘Jack, can it, you sound like a dying walrus!’

Eurgh… normally writing blogs about the things that upset me helps me find a way to solve my problems but this one is just… not going away… I’m going to stop now, because I’m just upsetting myself even further…

Jack out.