Come a little closer, as the night gets older.
by theycallmejack
Hello blog readers!
Well, we’re well and truly in Autumn now aren’t we?! I love autumn! It is by far my favourite time of the year! I love the orange leaves, and the grey skies, and the cold mornings, and the dark nights… I’ve always found myself enjoying this time of year more than any other. Plus there’s all the fun stuff; Halloween, Bonfire Night, my birthday, and of course, this year, me and Mat’s anniversary! So yeah! Autumn is a very special time of year for me!
Just a brief word on the title of this blog, it is actually slightly related to autumn… its a lyric from You Me at Six’s leaked song ‘This Is The First Thing’. As my readers will know, You Me at Six are my favourite band and from what has been released/leaked of their new album, Sinners Never Sleep, it sounds like its gonna be a belter! I know I shouldn’t condone leaked music, but I’m going to see them live only a few days after the new album is released, so I figure that I need to know as many of the lyrics of their new songs as possible before I go if I have any chance of singing along! So any head start is worth it! Plus, I’ve already bought the new album, so its not like I’m stealing or anything! Oh, and the link to autumn is that the gig I’m going to is in October… tenuous, but hey!
Anyway, back to the autumnal blog! I can’t really just spend a whole blog talking about autumn can I? No. What I want to talk about is the journey… I’m gonna warn you all, that this is likely to get pretty pretentious, so if there’s any Holden Caufield’s out there, feel free to go find something else to read!
It’s just something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. A journey to what? Well I suppose that depends on you. When I think about it, I think about my journey as a person, through adolescence, through my relationship, through education, through anything really. But journeys are important. I’m sure any good writer will tell you that all the best characters are those that go on a journey of some form.
I started thinking about this because of autumn actually. I was thinking, if we’re going by pathetic fallacy, what stage would autumn represent on a person’s journey. Coldness, darkness, an ending? Perhaps. But for me, I think to see it as a reaffirmation of a person’s goal. Spring is easy going, all sunny and nice and warm, albeit with the occasional shower, and then summer is hot, and dry and difficult, but then autumn? Its a relief after the hot summer, its nearing the end of a journey, the goal has nearly been reached, and this is where it maybe gets a bit more difficult, and its easy to lose sight of your goal, but if you can brave it through autumn then its like saying ‘yeah, I want this, I’m going to get this.’
And while I write this, I’m thinking of one journey in particular. Me and Mat. Tomorrow we’ll have been together for ten months, and it just seems… wow. We have had major ups and downs. There have been times when our relationship has hurt me so much I have literally wanted to stab myself just to get out of it, and yet, when I look back, I don’t regret it. I have never loved anyone so much or so hard. Its easy to tell someone that you love them when there’s no problems, but it means so much more if you can tell someone that you love them, when you’re wishing that the ground would swallow you up. I wish I could tell him to move a little closer, but I don’t need to because he’s already there. I’m sure people will see this and think I’m an idiot kid. And they’re probably right. But hey! If I’m an idiot kid who feels happy with this guy, then that’s fine with me.
And then there’s my other journey. I’ll be 18 in less than two months, and I’m not sure what I’m meant to do with that. Technically I’ll be an adult, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about that. I see my friends turning 18 with parties and happiness, and maybe I’ll feel more like that closer to the time, but at the moment, it makes me sad. There’s a big wide world out there, and it makes me so small. It’s like, when you’re a kid, and you say ‘When I grow up I’m gonna…’ but look at me! I’m nearly there and I have no idea…
But still! That’s life! I’m happy now. That’s what counts!
Jack out.
